In The Sun
by Kawinka
Summary: AU Spoilers for Trapdoor; Dani reached for the doorknob...


_If she knew what would happen when she opened that door... She would have told him. Now her lips are frozen. And her eyes are unseeing. She would have told him that he is the best partner she ever had. She would have told him that she could have loved him. She would have assured him that she would have chosen him anytime over her father. But she didn't know when she opened that door._

_And now it's too late. _

_It's bright. Like she had watched the sun for too long and its light is blinding her. She wonders if it's all in her head or if her body is fading to white in front of Crews Jr. and Sr. Probably not, but it's a beautiful thought anyway. She remembers something Crews told her long time ago, when she electrocuted him- that there were no dead relatives. She figures out that her experience is near death enough (maybe a little too much), so if there are no dead relatives maybe it's not about how near death you are, but rather how broken or not broken you are. Maybe she (and Crews) is too damaged for a greeting committee. She's kind of glad. _

_Then another terrifying though comes to mind- she's thinking like him. She's thinking Zen and the worst part is that she is not really worried. _

_She feels like she had slept a thousand years. The hospital room is silent and empty. It's too early in the morning perhaps. She rips out the IV, and hesitantly gets out of the bed. Probably it's not good idea, but she was (kind of) dead, and now she is feeling good. Her legs are trembling when she reaches the window. The sky is breathtaking blue, and the sun is barely above the horizon. And she's feeling good...for someone who's been (kind of) dead. _

_It's a week before they let her go. Tidwell, Davis, her mother and even her dad come to see her. She's mostly silent. Crews doesn't show up. When her dad comes she points her gun at him and asks him to leave. Her mom is with him and afterwards doesn't come back. She finds out from Tidwell that Crews filled up for a transfer, but Tidwell denied him._

_She has 2 days off before they call her for a case. She spends them between sleeping and walks on the beach. She goes there early in the morning when no one is around. She has at least 3 hours before surfers and tourists show up. She walks and day dreams. She thinks about life before the academy, before the drugs, before her dead lover and most importantly before Charlie Crews. She thinks about herself a year ago and wonders if she knew what would bring her that door, would she have still opened it? It's a question about feelings and loyalties. It is a question about blame._

_The last day they call her late in the night. She is told the address and that detective Crews is already there and he can handle it._

_She gets there furious. How dare he? She is still his superior officer and if he has something to tell her he can fucking call her instead of getting someone else to do it. She feels sorry for the poor uniform that got to call her. The man was almost crying when she hung up on him. She finds Crews in the midst of the three bodies, just as he is preparing to send them off. _

"_Hey! Wait a minute officer Crews! I want to take a look too." _

_At least he has the sense to look ashamed. No, not ashamed, just surprised:_

"_I thought you are not coming."_

"_I was shot, not killed. And I am still you're superior officer. Especially now that Tidwell denied your transfer."_

"_So you know about that. I..." _

"_We'll talk about that later"_

_Hours later they are in a crappy 24/7 cafe drinking equally crappy coffee. Their team work is damaged. Their balance is gone and now she knows he blames himself for her getting almost killed. They have been there for almost an hour and all attempts on conversation are poor. It is like there is a wall between them that she can't cross. A wall made of self blame. It's getting late and she still wants to catch 3-4 hours sleep before the next work day. She gets up slowly, trying not to show how much her shoulder hurts. He doesn't need more reasons to feel bad. Not that it matters, considering the fact that he doesn't even look up. She puts some money on the table and before she leaves she tells him a variation of what she wanted originally:_

"_It wasn't your fault Crews. If it wasn't me, it would have been you and honestly I don't see how that would have been better. Besides had I known that a shooter is on the door I would have opened it anyway."_

_She can feel his questioning stare on her neck as she leaves. It's an early morning; the moon is still visible in all her pale glory. It's a little bit chilly so she burrows herself deeper in her blazer and starts the short walk to her home. It's just a couple of blocks away, but enough for a city meditation. She thinks of where she is going next._


End file.
